Chapter 4: Learning to Let Go So God Could Lead

Psalm 46:10 (KJV): Be still, and know that I am God

Stepping out of my comfort zone was something I had rarely done before. I had always tried to keep a controlled environment around me—and I think many of us do this, believing it gives us some sort of security.

So there I was in November 2024, packing my bags to go to what many would call a third-world country. Corruption, wars, and Covid had pushed this island into bankruptcy, and poverty was extreme. Fortunately, my friends—who had introduced me to the church in London the year before—had already visited, so I was armed with contacts who arranged accommodation and tours for me. Still, flying into the unknown was a BIG deal.

What awaited me was a huge culture shock: noise, semi-organised mayhem, crazy bus and tuk-tuk drivers. Yet I felt surrounded by a nation who felt like family. I toured different areas, washed orphan elephants in a river, learnt how to cook their national dishes, went on safari, and fell in love—not just with the people, but the country and its beauty.

Then came a very important day. After a long drive into the hills—along tiny roads and through villages of small huts used as homes—I arrived at the bungalow where my grandparents had lived and where my father was born. Even more special, it was on what would have been my father’s 95th birthday.

It was surreal: thousands of miles from home, standing on top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere, inside a property I had only ever seen in black-and-white photos. All around me, the countryside stunned me with its beauty as I saw it, for the first time, in all its colour.

I stood in absolute awe of my grandmother, who had left England and a very comfortable life in the 1920s to travel here. The semi-impassable roads even now, would have meant it would have taken her hours or days to reach anything resembling comfort. Weather extremes could cut you off entirely. I had to reappraise all my romantic imaginings of what I thought her colonial life had looked like—it would have been a very hard life.

Yet being so much like my grandmother—and now having her adventurous spirit in me—I could see exactly why she had loved it. Elephants were part of the workforce. My grandfather travelled the estate on his old motorcycle or on horseback, always with a terrier that would announce any snakes nearby. The memories of all the stories she had told me about this place came back to me and I could see exactly why she had been so happy in her life here and why I will always go back to visit as often as I can.

Finally, after a few more days of touring, I attended my first day at church—the vast building I’d only glimpsed through YouTube. No words can explain my emotions when the worship team came on stage and filled the environment with beautiful praise and worship songs before the Prophet entered and took it to another level.

The songs were titled “God is here” or had lyrics like “God is in this place”—and there was no question. He was there.

One of the earliest teachings I heard there became one of the most profound lessons I’ve ever learned: the Holy Spirit—our God—was within me, and to connect with Him, I had to look to my belly. As you’ll know from Setting the Scene Part 6 and my visit to the clinic in Denmark, I experienced a sensation by breathing properly into my gut for the first time—a blend of power, love, and peace. At the time I hadn’t known what it was, but I now realised I had been connecting with the Holy Spirit within me. I was blown away. It was another “light-bulb moment” that I’ve started to experience more often as I’m guided through this journey.  Now I know exactly what “gut instinct” is and exactly who is communicating this to me……and to you.

The Prophet’s services were long—four or five hours as standard—but I soaked up every second. As soon as one finished, I found myself longing for the next. Best of all, I was in a country whose beauty allowed me to sit and reflect on everything I was learning—not just the Bible, the story, and the scriptures, but how all of it made me feel.

It’s not often we give ourselves time to sit in stillness and truly feel. In my spiritual journey up to that point, I had tried meditation, where we were told to empty our heads completely and sit in nothingness. It was a battle I always lost, and it only fed the familiar “you’re not good enough” narrative. But with this quiet contemplation, I learned to sit peacefully with a Bible verse that struck a chord with my spirit. I simply contemplated it and observed my thoughts and feelings.

This quiet time has now become an important part of every day—sometimes twice a day. I sit for ten minutes or an hour and see where the Spirit leads my thoughts. The One who knew me before I was born, the One who gave me breath—our God, who is power, peace, and most importantly IS love—is always with me in every breath, guiding me, protecting me, and showing me the way.

Join me in my next Chapter, where through this quiet time, I learnt the power of being a visionary.

But until then, dear Readers…All Glory Goes to God.